Our Father

What is it to be a father? I know nothing of being a mother, of course, but fatherhood, aside from reading Bill Cosby's excellent advice, what direction do we follow? What is a good role model? Are we to be friends or authoritarians and where lies the acceptable mix of those?

Speaking to several friends the other day, talking about Father's Day, we all had differing backgrounds that lead to very different theories on being a dad. One fella had lost his father when he was 4 and never had a male role model at all. Another had an abusive father, creating great tension leading to a bitter separation, losing his father to cancer before they could ever make up. Years later he has found forgiveness and peace in knowing the God of Israel as Father. Thank You, God.

I had a good father. Still do. But, conversely, I spent almost 30 years "wiping the face of my dad off of God." He was a good role model and he pointed me always to Christ. But as I grew up, I found out I couldn't be as perfect as I thought my father was or wanted me to be. I rebelled, as we all do, to the authoritarian ideal, precisely because I knew he would forgive me and part of me thought him a simpleton for it.

Now, having returned to God in Christ, I have come full 'round and am a father myself. I realize now that my father didn't try to be perfect before me, just as good as he could be to the Lord he loves. But now that I am older I see how very imperfect my father is; and I love him all the more for it - more than I ever thought I could.

I will not try to be a perfect father to my daughter, but I will try to be the best son I can. We only have one perfect Father. It is in this revelation that I have come to see that I am a pilgrim on the same journey as my old man, one with whom I can share my failures and mistakes, sins and falleness and he can share his with me. That is the mystery and beauty of confession - becoming transparent before one another, esp. our children, so that they don't mistake our faces for God, but that they may see Him clearly through us.