My heart wavers back and forth, taking all my effort, every thought to stay the course. Without Your grace, lost would we all be, to temptation, to ourselves, to every whim for eternal hell. That I would not dare become a man of double mind - or worse! that I am so now and know it not.
I come to know a bit more now of what it means to praise and thank You. I understand David's Psalm, that You do not want sacrifices - it is not to die for You; it is Life! We must live for You! You are the God of the living!
Today I asked for Your grace and mercy to shine on me that if even the slightest hint of Your will came, I would throw myself at the chance; thrilled that each minute would be a blessed opportunity to praise You in every action taken.
Yet even in that I failed. I heard Your voice, "Stop this, child, turn away."
Did I heed? No, I scoffed. I thought, "What is this one minute?, I will be done in a moment; this takes but seconds and I will obey. When I'm done."
Then I was caught! No one even suspected, no one knew. But You. Deep inside, I heard the Lion's rumble, growing to a roar, "Postponed obedience is not obedience at all."
Do not take Your Spirit from me, do not flee! How can I even repent without Your hand working in me?
Lord, it has become my prayer, squeeze my small, cold heart lest it harden before You. The Lion's roar, Your tight grip, these are not to choke, but are how my stone heart learns to beat.
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